During this fast so far, I feel as if I’ve shorted out some of the process because I just haven’t really spent as much quality time with God as I’d like. I wanted this to be a time of phenomenal growth, and so far, it’s been less than that. I almost wish I had struggled more with the food. However, after several months of Beachbody, I am really okay with healthy food. It’s a little tough, but nothing like it has been in the past. I’m okay.
Honestly, the lack of struggle has meant that I don’t have to cry out to God on a constant basis to help me through this. I’ve been able to just go through the day mostly in a routine way. Yet, I didn’t want this fast to put me in crisis mode, either. I wanted to seek God in a freer, more pure way, not because I had to. Yet, it didn’t really happen that way.
On top of all that, I’ve been dealing with some internal struggles. There are some relationships in my life that are straining the limits of my self-control and even my self-respect. If people around me seem to think less of me, it takes a bigger person than I am to combat that attitude. So, I guess I have been really crying out to God, after all. However, I haven’t seen a break in this foul relationship weather. I wish life were simpler, and things could just always happen instantly. Don’t you?
Today, I recommit to seeking God without pouty moods. Even though God isn’t giving me my way, I won’t let myself stop running after him with all my heart. In the end, there’s no place I’d ever rather be than in the center of his attention, love, and will for my life. I love him more than I love anything or anyone. And thanks to our relationship, I can love myself in spite of the opinions of other people. And love other people in spite of the emotional devastation their attitudes cause me.
One day, someone will say to you that you are simply not enough. Not good enough. No strong enough. Not kind enough. Not something enough. It’s right in their eyes to tell you that. They believe that they are doing this for your own good. Yet, you will have a decision to make that day. Will you believe what God says, that his grace is sufficient for you, and that you’re going to be okay? Or will you believe that the standards of other people should define your worth and set the standard to decide if you are someone of excellence?
I hope you won’t shrink down like I have all these years. I pray that you let the Lion of Judah rise up within you and proclaim with all self-controlled fierceness that you are who God says, and that other people have no right to question your suitability for fulfilling his purpose in your life. I know I wish I had done it, and I know that it’s my goal to become that woman of God.