Through the years, I’ve read some life changing books. “Finding God at Every Turn” by Catherine Marshall was a huge influence upon me as a woman. Even though it was about a life lived decades upon decades before my own, it resonated with me. Another one was “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer, which I’m reading again at the moment. Ruth Bell Graham has an autobiographical book, and the title escapes my mind right now, but in it, she talked to me like a best friend.
“Lord, Change Me!” by Evelyn Christensen was amazing. Like her, I eventually got some time alone with God and begged him, not to fix my life, but to fix me. But lately, as I tried reading through a few more modern books, I hit a wall. They’re bestsellers from people whom I admire, but I can’t make myself wade through them. Something is missing, and as I think about my favorite books, I think what they lack is introspection.
These days, we talk about keeping it honest, real, being open, etc. But in our books, though we talk about our doings and our mistakes, we don’t always discuss what led to them. The thinking behind the mistakes is important, too. The greatest books in my life opened up a vein in the the author’s virtual body. I felt their pulse, understood what motivated them, and I wanted to be just as vital, alive, and precious as these great ladies. I don’t find that in a lot of today’s writing. And it saddens me.
I’ve been really frustrated lately with myself. I’ve hit a wall and I need something to help me power through. But these watered down how-to books, even though they are full of great advice, are not designed to make me feel the impact of the life of the author after taking this path. They don’t discuss the pitfalls, the hazards, and the struggles. They don’t show their failures, their inner resentments, and their pain. Maybe I’ve been reading the wrong books, and I hope that’s all it is, but I’m discouraged.
Today, I am determined that if I can’t find that book, I’ll write it. It’s heavy on my heart, and I don’t think that God gives us burdens for other people to carry, so I guess I’ll get to work. Keep me accountable, will you? If you don’t hear about any progress in this book, please tell me to get back to work. I’d appreciate it. Because one day, I have a feeling that I’ll need to read it as much as anyone else.